A Novel of My Life

Hey Family!
We're totally lazy on the posting... I get intimidated by Mom's awesome pictures. I will never have awesome pictures... But! I kind of do have one today! I have a LOT of good things happen in grad school but it really has felt like this:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BI9iS9lh4db/

Stress has been an underlying problem. Am I doing this right? Am I supposed to already know this? Am I supposed to be more prepared? Did I miss something? Did I procrastinate something? Do I smell weird? (Hey! It's really hot out AND humid.) Does that person like me? Am I good enough? Am I accurate enough? Am I cool enough? (You'd think that that question leaves as you get older, but it really doesn't unfortunately.) Where is that?... Where is that with exact instructions for a nincompoop? How much should I practice? How long can I sleep in today? What is your problem Smokey?! How much is that? Why won't my car start? Does she think I don't know anything? Am I doing the right thing?

These have been some of the most prevalent questions in my head since I moved here. Also, the stress has manifested itself in the form of horrific, prolonged acne. Thanks face.

But my vocal coach is also my accompanist and she is a kindred spirit. And everyone in my opera studio is really wonderful and kind on top of being good musicians, but a couple of them are really kindred spirits too. It's funny how pursuing such an emotional roller coaster of a career can really help you connect with the people around you- the people who have had to overcome their own mountain climb to get to where they are. That's been a really sweet experience in our teeny brand new friendships. And I've never been around so many people who know so much about opera. I'm learning a lot just by spending time with them. Eileen (my vocal coach) said to me today that I'm this amazing blank canvas just waiting for someone to tell me how to be great and I really feel that way. Someone point me in the right direction and I'll work my butt off to figure it out. She has told me what an amazing instrument I have and that gives me hope that maybe I could actually do this.

I'm playing Minerva in "Il Ritorno d'Ulisse in Patria." That whole thing is the name... Monteverdi is hard tonally, rhythmically, wordly... what's a better word for that? Because it's one of the first operas ever created, the rules aren't really there yet. It feels a bit like a free for all in fancy Italian. Even the professors have said we're learning it together... so it's an adventure. Haha!

Performance Techniques is one of my classes and it's an acting class for singers. The stage director for Ulisse is the teacher. He's an amazing director according to everyone and an amazing actor. I have a goal of making emotional choices and then sticking with them through bigger physical actions to convey to a larger audience what I'm doing and we explore a lot of things with animal movement and quick emotional changes. We've also talked about how important breathing is in acting not just singing, young artist programs, and how to budget as a performing artist. It's real-life training for a job. He is so cool. He's made decisions about who he wants to be and then he does it. I want to be able to do that in my acting and my life. And I do to an extent, but I'm little wishy-washy sometimes.

I have never had to memorize so many things at once in my entire life. There's no slacking on practice. I have lesson songs and arias, the opera, Knoxville opera, 2 monologues and an aria for perf tech, ornamentation for Oratorio, songs for an opera benefit, and anything I might need for an Oratorio test a little later. I had to make a chart to keep track of it. Eileen showed me hers. And I copied it.
Speaking of KO, Gilbert and Sullivan are two of the funniest men to ever grace the earth with their presence. I laugh at every. single. rehearsal. They are genius and it is so fun to explore the comedy and humanity in every song. And I'm getting paid (a little) to do it! I can't even believe that.

I've cried a LOT since I got here. But I come home most days feeling really fulfilled or at least ready to be better the next day. And if I have crappy days, I have these new friends who know what I'm feeling and will support me in picking myself up and trying again. In the next couple weeks, the pressure will really start. I guess we'll see what happens then.

Oh! Kerry found a job! As a installer of the lift things in dealerships and mechanic shops. It's $15 an hour. It's not full time, but he can take his extra time to find other maintenance jobs or he's been thinking about taking the A+ test for computer repair stuff. He's doing pretty good. Kitties have gotten used to being inside, but holy cow they're needy if we leave. I get yelled at soundly by Smokey every day and I have to hold him for at least 5 minutes before he feels good again. Baby cat anyone?

You're welcome for the novel. Ha...ha... I guess I should write more often. Look what you started Mandy.