I wasn't sure where to write my feelings and I just feel this strong need to share them. Since as a family we're all far away I especially wanted to say something, as I'm sure, does everyone else. Since Grandpa died this morning, our family-aunts, uncles, cousins, Grandma, and us- will surely be going through turmoil, sadness, grief, and maybe even anger. But I can't help but feel joy. Almost every fiber of my being is filled with joy and as Emma worded wisely- relief. I am so relieved that Grandpa isn't suffering anymore. I'm so relieved that he's with Grandma Rosemary. I'm so relieved that he's not stuck here listening to his family struggle with more emotions and actions than I'd like to list. He's home. I would think he's pretty happy. And I also think he's expecting us to be good so we can be with him.
A phrase keeps going through my head. It's not eloquent or detailed, but it has just run through my head for hours. "The plan is real." It's REAL. This is not some made up thing from my head. My whole being confirms it. I am determined to be kind. I am determined to share my feelings. I am determined to keep this feeling. How many people in the world don't know what happens when you die or think there's nothing and you leave this life miserable and that's just what you get? I know so many people who struggle with family members dying and don't know how to feel and just know that they don't have that person anymore. Because I know what I know, I will always choose Grandpa's relief over my own desire to have him near me. Every time.
I feel really grateful for what I have. I have the most amazing family ever, that loves me. I even married into a family that loves me. I have the gospel in my life. I have faith in Christ. I'm not struggling immensely for anything that I need. I was able to graduate from college and learn something that I love and know I can serve and touch people's hearts with it. I live in a country where I can express my feelings and pursue anything I want. My body is healthy and I don't have any disabilities. I can be forgiven for all the dumb things I do in life. And there are a whole lot. I have three sisters who live near me. I have the Holy Ghost guiding my life when I'm trying to do the right things. I have a calling that I feel quite passionate about. I have a job. I'm warm in the cold November weather. Not everyone has these things. A lot of people don't have a lot of these things. And having an eternal perspective has probably made my life better more times than I even know.
Joy is what this life and the next and our very existence is all about. We're here to struggle and toil and hurt so we know just how much joy we can have in exchange. Without being here, we would have no idea how blessed we really are. Lets spread that joy. Lets be the uplifters. Especially in our family, its been hard. But lets do what we can to be the joy. Its what grandpa wanted for our family, its what we want, and its what Heavenly Father wants for all of us. We are here to be happy! The plan is real! And we will see Grandpa again and it will be even more awesome than we think because we'll miss him so much now. I think we can all agree that Joseph Konnad was one of the awesomest dads and grandpas ever.
Awesome videos about Christ that make me feel great and uplifted:
I love this Kayla. Thanks for taking the time to say it. I love you!
ReplyDelete